A Short Alternative Medical Dictionary

DEFINITIONS COURTESY OF DR. LEMUEL
PILLMEISTER (also known as Lemmy)

ADDICTION
When you can give up something anytime, as long as
it’s next Tuesday.

ALCOHOLISM
A habit that helps you to see the iguanas in your
eyeballs.

COCAINE
Peruvian Marching Powder–a stimulant that has the
extraordinary effect that the more you do, the more you
laugh out of context.

DEPRESSION
When everything you laugh at is miserable and you can’t
seem to stop.

HEROIN
A drug that helps you to escape reality, while making it
much harder to cope when you are recaptured.

PSYCHOSIS
When everybody turns into tiny dolls and they have needles
in their mouths and they hate you and you don’t care
because you have THE KNIFE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!